Imperfect
by SadieBraddock13
Summary: No one's life is perfect. No one's marriage is perfect. Sam and Jules are beginning to figure this out. Takes place a few years after Keep The Peace Part 2. Rated T for minor language and some adult themes. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1 - Midnight Stress

_So this is my first fanfic that I've posted here and I'm open to any suggestions on how to improve my writing! Please review lots! Sorry this chapter is so short but the next ones are longer. Enjoy!_

Chapter 1: Nighttime Stress

She wasn't surprised when his muscled arms wrapped around her waist. It was after 12, so if he was still awake then it meant he wanted something. She let her head droop back against his shoulder and her cheek ran along, the prickly stubble scratching against her soft skin. "You coming to bed?" he whispered. She nodded slightly. "Just let me finish this registration form. I need to get it to Sadie's daycare tomorrow so I can go back to work." His breath was warm against her ear and he deposited the pen from her hand onto the counter. "What you need to do is relax." he said. It had been almost a month since he had gotten any, because of all the daycare stuff for Sadie and Jules worrying about leaving her anywhere without someone she trusted. She was only two and a half and anyone outside their family and the team was considered a stranger, not to be trusted with her.

Jules sighed in his arms and reached for the pen again, but his large hand grasped her smaller one and brought it up to his lips. He kissed each of her fingers slowly, sensually, before moving up to her wrist and forearm. "Sam," she warned. It had been a long and stressful week for both of them and she wasn't exactly in the mood for anything. His teeth ran lightly over the sensitive skin of her arm as his open-mouthed kisses ran across her body. She had to admit that it did feel good to just relax for a moment, but she had work to do. "Okay, relaxation over." she told him. She pried her arm from his warm lips and once again pored over the form in front of her.

His arm wrapped securely around her waist, he lifted her hair from the back of her neck and his lips made contact with her soft skin once again. "Sam," she warned again, louder. "I need to finish this, just go to bed. I'll be there in a bit." she promised. He replaced her hair over her shoulder but hugged her tighter. "I tried. Can't sleep without you." he replied honestly. She continued to write. "Try harder. Go check on Sadie, do something. Just please, leave me alone for a while." He finally released his hold on her and she stretched out her back. "Once I'm done I'll head on up, just give me a few minutes." she elaborated.

He did as she asked, figuring that it was better to just give her some space before asking more about it. He waited for her to come upstairs for half an hour before he really tried to fall asleep. Whatever was going on, they could talk about it in the morning.

Jules sat at the counter, staring into space and just thinking. She had finished the daycare forms long ago, but she didn't want to go to bed just yet. She had lots of time to sleep when she wasn't working. Sam, however, wasn't so lucky. He had another day shift and then two days off before Team Three switched back to nights. Natalie had offered to take Sadie for the weekend so they could get some real sleep in, but Jules knew that if Sadie wasn't home and they had more than an hour of free time, then it would definitely not be spent sleeping.

She tried to think back to the last time they had both just relaxed. It must have been before Sadie was born, since after that it was pretty much late night feedings and paying the endless bills. Once she had turned two, things had gotten somewhat easier, though with all the daycare and work problems, not by much. She tried to think back to the last time they had sex, and that was all she did - try. She couldn't even remember. She knew exactly what Sam had been hoping for earlier, she knew exactly how he felt. But she denied him heartlessly and told him to go away.

When she had been pregnant with Sadie, her third trimester had been the worst. The morning sickness had long since ended, but she was hormonal and tired and some nights he would come home and all she wanted to do was have sex. No luck, of course, because he was afraid of hurting her. Or when he finally agreed to it, it was slow and passionate when she just needed it fast and rough. And again, no luck.

She glanced over at the clock. It was after two, and Sam was right, after all. She did need to relax, and to relax she would need to sleep. She silently crept up the stairs and into their room before stripping down to her underwear and climbing into bed with him. His arms wrapped protectively around her and she slipped her leg between his two in their usual intertwined sleeping position. After a few minutes, she drifted off to sleep, stress-free for the first time that night.

_Please review! I already have a few of the next chapters ready to go but it all depends on whether or not people like this story. It will get more interesting as it goes on. Next chapter: Shopping trip with Sadie :)_


	2. Chapter 2 - Shopping Time

_Chapter 2! Exciting, I know. Remember to review lots and lots!_

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Chapter 2: Shopping Time

She woke up before he did. She always did, since she had to get breakfast ready before he left. She looked over her shoulder to see him still asleep, his head resting against her own. He was so cute when eh was sleeping, Well, he was cute all the time, but especially when he was sleeping.

Carefully, she began to pry his arms away from her body. His grip was tight, though, and he just groaned and pulled her closer to him. "Sam," she whispered. "Mmhmm?"

"Let go." His grip on he body loosened enough that she could squirm her way out of the bed. She replaced the covers over his shoulders and kissed him lightly on the temple before heading into the bathroom.

Usually, he would be quick to get up and follow her into the bathroom. Since she wasn't working anymore, and since the entire building knew that they were married, there wasn't a chance of any suspicion being drawn to them if he was late. But he was team leader and being late wasn't exactly a good example, so their morning showers had to be cut down.

He pushed himself off the bed and grabbed another pair of boxers from his drawer. He wasn't sure where she had thrown the other pair but it didn't exactly matter. They would just end up getting thrown somewhere else later. She had laid out a new towel for him in the bathroom after she did the laundry and he grabbed it before heading for the shower.

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By the time he had showered and got downstairs, Jules had already gotten changed and woken up Sadie. She must have snuck back upstairs while he was in the bathroom. She smiled at him and passed him a plate of eggs and bacon. He had to leave soon so he shoveled it down before kissing Sadie goodbye from outside her playpen. He walked back to Jules and she looked over her shoulder from the counter, where she was getting Sadie a bowl of cereal. "So you're dropping Dee with Natalie tonight?" he asked. She nodded and put the bowl of cereal on the counter. "Around 5 I think. I'm going to call later and we'll sort everything out then." Jules tipped her head up for a kiss and he hugged her tight before kissing her slowly on the lips and heading for the door. "See you tonight." he called.

Jules watched Sadie for any signs that she had heard what he had said. She seemed perfectly content with her toys, so she decided that she had been just as oblivious to their conversation. Her daughter had some attachment issues when it came to being away overnight. Somehow she was fine with anyone except Natalie. The last time they had left her there, they had gotten a panicky call in the middle of the night because she couldn't get her to stop crying and Sam had to go pick her up. She hoped that Sadie would sleep through the night so that they could too. Sam had three days off after today until Team Three switched to nights so he would need to conserve his energy for that. She washed the breakfast dishes and then picked up Sadie to change her into some real clothes. "Mama," she said, eliciting a smile from Jules. "That's right, Baby. I'm your mama." she replied, kissing her forehead.

She called Natalie to confirm that she could watch Sadie for the night and then started packing early, just to be safe. Sam wouldn't be home until six, but she wanted the most possible amount of time with him she could get. Then she put Sadie in the car and strapped her into the seat and climbed into the driver's seat. She put her purse on the seat next to her before starting the car. There was no way she was getting pulled over for texting and driving, especially not when she was a cop herself.

She pulled into the grocery store parking lot five minutes later and unbuckled Sadie as she grabbed her phone from the seat. It showed 1 missed call, from Sam Braddock. Despite being in a parking lot, she called him back as she walked across the curb. "Braddock," he answered. She smiled at his formalness on the job. "Callaghan," she replied, lifting Sadie into a cart and maneuvering it with her one hand. "I saw you called, is everything okay?" she asked. She tossed in a box of cereal and two bags of bread and headed for the dairy section. "Oh yeah. I just wanted to make sure you called Nat back about watching Sadie." he told her. She laughed at how much he worried. "Yeah, about an hour ago. She said it's still a go so we've got the night to ourselves." She grabbed Sadie's foot, which was swinging and banging on the metal side of the cart and making more noise than it should and shook her head. "No, Sades." she whispered. She pushed the phone back to her ear. "Which isn't entirely a bad thing since she's making quite the noise right now. I never knew a shopping cart could even make that sound." Sam laughed, but she just continued talking. "Yeah, you think it's funny. That's because you're not getting all the dirty looks from the other shoppers. Anything you want me to pick up?" He sighed and spoke with someone on the other end. "Yeah, uh, did you get the lasagna I told Nat I'd get?" She nodded and was about to reply before he spoke with the person again. "Sam, do you need to go? I can call back if you want." she told him. "No, it's fine." he assured her. She frowned. "Well, I know you're not going to hang up on me so I'm going to go anyway. I'll talk to you soon?" She had her finger on the end button as he said a quick goodbye and hung up.

She continued walking along the aisles until she got to the hygienic products. She was about to turn around and head for the checkout when something caught her eye. She looked back at the display of pregnancy tests. Thirty eight days on a twenty six day cycle. That wasn't normal. But neither was the amount of stress she had been put under for the past few months. She grabbed two from the shelf and figured she could take them once she dropped off Sadie and before Sam got home. Her ten minutes of peaceful bliss.

She drove out of the parking lot and and was surprised to hear her phone ringing again. She pressed a button on the display and Sam's voice filled the car. "Daddy!" Sadie squealed. His hearty laugh came trough the speaker. "Sadie, hush baby," Jules said. "Sam, what's up? I'm driving so make it quick." She could almost hear the smile in his voice as he spoke. "Just wanted to make sure you did get the lasagna. My sarge said I can get off a little early as long as we don't get a call since we've got the next few days off, so I should be home around 5:30." Jules sighed and turned onto another road. "Yeah, I got it. Don't worry about coming home early though, I'm not dropping Sade with Nat until more around 6." Sam was quiet for a moment. "Well, I'll come home early anyway. I can get a start on dinner while you drop her off." Sadie started screaming in the backseat and Jules reached back and grabbed her hand. "Sadie, Sadie, calm down. Do you want to talk to Daddy?" She asked. The two year old nodded and Sam spoke with her for a moment while Jules continued to drive. "Sam, I need to stop for gas so I need to shut the car off but we'll talk later, okay?" He said goodbye and she told Sadie to be good while she filled up the car.

She felt bad about almost hanging up on him, but she didn't want him coming home early. She already had barely enough time as it was, and soon enough she wouldn't have time to take the test at all. She didn't know if she wanted a positive or a negative, but she supposed that with would be fine with her. A negative was nothing to worry about, but a positive? That was something to worry about. She remembered that she still had to put Sadie down for her nap, so she could easily take it then. As long as her daughter didn't wake up, she could have an hour of silence.

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The egg timer on the counter was nearing the thirty second mark and Jules was freaking out. When she took the first test, the one for Sadie, Sam was kneeling in front of her, telling her that no matter what happened, he loved her and he always would. And then the timer went off and he was kissing her and telling her that he loved her and how wonderful it was and they hadn't even gotten it confirmed by a doctor yet. He was so excited. She knew he would be just as excited for a second kid.

But it wasn't how he felt that scared her. It was how she felt. She knew that every mother couldn't help loving her kids, but could she love them all equally? She had always been her mother's favorite, and she knew that her brothers had resented her for it. That was part of the reason she left. After she died, they never got over the fact that she was always her favorite. Would that happen to her kids? She hoped not.

The timer went off and she smacked it before it could wake Sadie. It had taken her twenty minutes to fall asleep and there was no way she was ruining it for an egg timer. She pushed herself up off the edge of the bathtub and stared at the two tests, side by side, showing exactly the same result.

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_Next up, the verdict and some awkward familial stuff._


	3. Chapter 3 - Afternoon Bliss

Before_ I started posting on here, I never actually realized how much reviews mean to the authors. I was always like "Other people review, so I don't need to." No, I was _very_ wrong. Every time I see a review I smile a bit because I know that people really like the story. Thank you so much to all my favoriters and followers and reviewers, it means the world to me:)_

_So now, an extra-special Chapter 3 :) Enjoy!_

Chapter 3: Afternoon Bliss

She should have been happy.

She was happy at first with Sadie, and then she realized how much work parenthood was. So she should have been happy. A negative was nothing to worry about, right?

She didn't realize how long she had been sitting in the bathroom until she heard Sadie's faint cries from down the hall. She tossed the two sticks in the trash and made a mental note to change the bag later. Sadie's face was beginning to turn red from crying but as soon as Jules picked her up her breathing evened out and she gave her mother a cheeky smile. Jules recognized it as the same one Sam gave her when he got caught doing something he shouldn't have been doing. She called it his 'Kid in the cookie jar" face. "You look just like Daddy, Sadiebear," she told the little girl, holding her high in the air. Sadie had inherited Sam's face but Jules' stature, so she was smaller than most other two year olds. She had Sam's blond hair and blue eyes, but he still swore to anyone who asked that she looked like Jules.

When Jules checked her watch a while later, she realized that it was almost six o'clock. Maybe Sam had listened to her and had waited until shift was over to leave. She grabbed the bag she had packed for Sadie and buckled her back into the car seat for the drive to Natalie's house. As usual, Natalie was ecstatic to see her favorite, and only, niece, and assured Jules that she would be just fine and if anything went wrong that she would call right away. When Jules arrived back at her house, there was another car in the driveway that she recognized as Sam's. She raced inside and unlocked the door, calling for Sam when she was sure the door was locked tight.

Any worries about her false pregnancy were forgotten when she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her middle. "Good evening." he whispered huskily into her ear. She felt his stubble prickle against her neck and realized that he still hadn't shaved that morning. He knew that she liked it better when he didn't. She spun in his arms and their lips met in a frenzy, their mouths mashing together. Their tongues battled for dominance as he hoisted her up onto his waist and carried her to their bedroom. He tripped on one of the bottom stairs and fell flat on his back, causing him to groan when Jules rubbed against the bulge in his pants. "Sorry baby." she apologized. Her jeans were discarded as they lay there, neither completely conscious of where they were. After a moment he lifted her back up and they made it to the room without any more falls.

Later, as they both lay in a mess of sheets and mangled bodies, Jules' head lay on Sam's warm chest. "I love you," she said suddenly. "I may not always show it, but I do love you." She tilted her head to look him in the eyes. "I love you." she repeated in a whisper. He smiled and dipped his head down to give her a kiss. "I love you too."

He stood up and walked into the bathroom. "I'm getting a shower. Join me?" he offered. She shook her head and laughed. "Not tonight, babe." He feigned a look of disappointment but continued into the bathroom alone.

When she was sure the door was shut tight, she stood up and pulled on a pair of shorts and a tank top. The clock read 8:24 and she sighed. Sadie had only been gone for a little over two hours and she was already worrying about her. It wasn't like she didn't trust Natalie, but she wasn't always the most mature aunt in the world. She wouldn't drop her or forget her somewhere, but there was a good chance that Sadie would make a fuss without her Mommy and Natalie would freak.

She made her way down the stairs but froze halfway. She had forgotten to change their bathroom garbage. '_Doesn't matter_', she thought. He wouldn't be going through the garbage. He wasn't that controlling.

She got herself a glass of water and was heading for the couch when he came back downstairs. "Jules?" he called. Her head shot up and she dropped the television remote. "In here," she called back. He came around the corner in nothing but a bath towel wrapped tightly around his waist. He held up a piece of paper and raised his eyebrows. "What?" she asked. He frowned and passed the paper to her. "Anything you're not telling me?" he asked.

She stared at the paper blankly before she realized what it was. Some sort of instructions, for - for, oh God, a pregnancy test. She must have dropped them when she so quickly pulled the test out of the box. "Anything at all?" he repeated. His arms were crossed over his muscled chest and she resisted the urge to do the same. "No, nothing."

She wasn't lying. It wasn't like he really needed to know about every negative pregnancy test she took. She's taken at least five since Sadie was born, and she never said anything about those. Because it was none of his business. Well, it sort of it was, since it _was_ his kid they were talking about, but since there was no kid he didn't actually need to know about anything.

He frowned at her. "Jules, don't make me ask you." he told her. She shrugged and held out the paper for him to take. "Jules, did you take a pregnancy test?" he asked impatiently. She saw it in his eyes that he needed the truth and gave in. "Yes, Sam, in the five minutes I had to myself today, yes, I took a pregnancy test." She put her glass into the dishwasher and it was still only 8: 37. She heard him laughing in the background and his arms wrapped around her body. "So we're having a baby?" he asked. She shook her head ever-so-slightly. "No, it was negative. That's why I didn't tell you." she said. His arms loosened around her. "Oh, I'm sorry. Are - are you okay with it?" he stuttered. She held onto his thumbs, much like Sadie did with pinkie fingers, and shrugged. "I've gotten negative a bunch of times. It's not like it really matters." She stood up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "You should really get your shower." she suggested.

He nodded and watched her disappear up the stairs. She had gotten a negative before? When? How many times? He got that she probably didn't want to admit that it was hurting her, but he knew her. He knew exactly how much she was hurting. It explained her constant stress. He knew that she would never open up easily, though, no matter who she was talking to.

He didn't know where she had disappeared to, but decided to just leave it for now and actually take a shower, like she had suggested. He let the steaming water pour over him and wondered what was really going on with her.

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_Then end. Next chapter up soon :)_


	4. Chapter 4 - Midnight Talk

_So I think that this is probably my favorite chapter so far, or out of all the ones I've written so far, so hope you guys like it :) 5 reviews and I post the next chapter!_

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Chapter 4: Midnight Talk

Sam didn't know what had woken him up at first. He reached out across the bed for Jules' warm body, but his fingers were met with only the cold sheets. He groaned and opened his eyes looking around the room. The bathroom door was open and the light was off, so he pulled on a pair of sweatpants that had been thrown on the floor.

His shower hadn't done much to cool him off, and Jules had later women him up with something other than sleeping in mind. She had been safe in his arms when they had fallen asleep afterwards.

He quietly trudged down the stairs and listened for any sounds that would indicate her place in the house. Hearing nothing, he looked in the kitchen. He could see the faint glow of the television coming from the doorway to the living room. He was surprised that he couldn't hear anything, but she must have put the volume lower than usual. When he looked into the room, he saw her curled up in the corner of the couch wrapped in a heavy blanket. She had turned on the news, but it was the late-night version that he knew she didn't like quite as much. "Jules?" he whispered softly, trying not to scare her too much. Her head shot over towards where he stood, but her body relaxed when she was him there. He smiled slightly and sat down next to her on the couch. No matter how he sat, it still felt strange to be next to her and not spooned with her. As if she sensed his discomfort, she untangled herself from the warm piece of fabric and pulled him to lay down behind her. His arms wrapped around her instinctively and pulled her closer to him, until her back was pressed tightly against his bare chest.

They lay together for what felt like forever before he said anything. "Couldn't sleep?" he whispered softly in her ear. She nodded. "Want to talk about it?" he offered. She shook her head as a natural instinct, a reason to never divulge her emotions to anyone, but then rethought her situation. Sadie was safe with Natalie. It was 3 in the morning, and no one was going to hear her aside from Sam. The shake slowly turned to a nod. "My brother called a few nights ago." she began. "He said that my dad's in the hospital. He had a heart attack last week and they were pretty worried about him. Said I should come talk to him, that maybe it would help." She felt Sam nod against her neck, knew that he was listening to her. "My brother hasn't called me in five years, and the last time I talked to my dad was when I left Alberta however many years ago. I haven't talked to him in that long and he thinks that me going to visit him in the hospital will make him get better. Like I caused all of this." She sighed and reached for his hand around her waist, bringing it up to her lips. "I want to go but I just don't know. He never tried to make things better after Mom died, so why should I try now?" Sam reached for the remote on the coffee table and turned the television all the way down. "What do you want to do?" he asked. Her shoulders moved up and down in a shrug. "I sort of want to go. To see if it does help, you know? But that would mean bringing Sadie with me and being away from you for something that might not even change anything. I don't want to leave if I'm not positive that it will help."

When she first lost her mother, Jules' father was pretty lost as well. He began drinking more and more, and with three of her brothers already away at college it just left Jules and her youngest brother, Adam, to deal with his violence and alcoholism. She had endured it all for three years before she finally moved out and went to the police academy. Once she had finished her training, she moved to Toronto and worked in various positions before making it to the SRU. She had never returned to Medicine Hat since she left, and she hadn't planned on it either.

Sam understood what she was going through. He had gone through something similar with his own father after Jules had been shot. He had decided not to go and talk to him, partially because Jules was still on her leave and partially because he didn't particularly like his father. Once in a while, he regretted that decision. One day, he knew, his father would call him and offer him some amazing position overseas, and he wanted to be on better terms with him when he declined.

Jules reached back and ran her fingers through his short blond hair. Her fingers continued across his face and she realized that it was free of the stubble she loved. "You shaved." she whispered, almost accusingly. He chuckled. "Sorry. I wasn't thinking." he replied. Her thumb traced across the crease of his forehead and down his nose. She paused at the corner of his lips and he shifted his head to press a kiss the back of her hand. "I love you," he whispered against the soft skin. Her thumb finally ran across his lips and then stilled behind his neck. "Maybe I should go," she decided. "It can't hurt, right? And I think we can handle two or three days apart, right? I'm sure my brothers would love to see Sadie, too." Sam simply let his lips linger across her neck. "Whatever you want." he replied sleepily.

She looked back to see his eyelids drooping shut, despite his obvious attempts to do exactly the opposite. "You should sleep." she told him. "Go to sleep." He nodded slightly and she felt his breathing even out after a few moments. She smiled and snuggled closer to him, before eventually falling asleep as well.

For the first time in a while, she slept the whole night.

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_Just 5 reviews until Chapter 5! Remember to review and favorite:) !_


	5. Chapter 5 - Missing You

Longest chapter so far = EXCITING! R&R pls!  
Thank you VERY much to everyone who has favorited and reviewed for me :) It means a lot to know you guys like this.

Chapter 5: Missing You

Two days later, Jules was packed and ready to leave. She had managed to get her tickets last-minute and called Adam to tell him when she was getting in. Despite her previous decision, Sadie was going to stay with Sophie or Shelley during the day and then Sam would pick her up on his way home at night. Everything was set to go perfectly.

Sam pulled the car into the parking lot of the airport and turned to look at Jules in the passenger seat. "This is it." he told her. He grabbed her bag from the trunk of the car while Jules unbuckled Sadie and lifted her onto her hip. She would usually get her to walk, but it was an airport and you couldn't always trust an almost three year old in a crowd of strangers. She took Sam's hand and together they walked to the security check. "Last chance to back out," he reminded her hopefully. She smiled and took her bag from him in exchange for Sadie. "Sam, it's only three days. You'll live." she told him. She kissed her daughter on the top of her head and told her to be good for Daddy before looking back at Sam. "Three days." she reminded him. She put her hands on her cheeks and kissed him passionately but quickly, as to not draw attention to herself. "You know," he whispered to her. "That's three days without sex." She grinned and slapped him playfully on the arm. "Once again, you'll live." she replied. "Bye Mama!" Sadie said, causing her mother to grin again. "Bye Sades. Be good for Daddy while I'm gone, okay?" She waved quickly and then walked to the security guard by the door, passport and boarding pass in hand.

Sadie tugged on her father's collar to catch his attention. "Why Mama leaves?" she asked. Sam smiled sadly. "She has to go visit her Daddy in Alberta. But don't worry Dee, she'll be back home soon." He buckled her back into the car and then pulled the seat belt across himself. As he drove home, Sadie started singing a song behind him. He recognized it quickly as the song used to sing to her when she was younger. She hadn't been singing much lately, but somehow Sadie still knew almost every word. That's what repetition does, he supposed.

When Sadie had first started talking, Jules had tried to get her to say her own name. She had already mastered Mama and Dada but she couldn't seem to get the word Sadie out of her mouth. She had finally said 'Pheedee' and had babbled 'dee' incessantly for the next few days. The name sticks, he thought. Dee was pretty close to Sadie.

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Despite the slight changes in his appearance, Jules recognized her brother right away. He was one of the few people she had ever allowed herself to get close to, the only one of her brothers to support her after her mother's death. "Where's that family of yours, Julie?" he asked with a smile. She frowned and pulled out her phone. "That's Sadie." she showed him a picture of the two year old on the screen. "Sam had to work so she's staying with a friend for a few days." Adam shook his head. "You should have brought her. I'm sure Lisa wouldn't mind watching her while you're visiting dad at the hospital. He's doing better, by the way. Doctor said he should be able to go home soon." Jules nodded as he showed her the way to his car. "Listen, Julie, I know you're not too fond of Dad, but could you at least pretend? I'm sure he'd love a chance to make things right if you'd give it to him." Jules glared at him. "There's a reason I never gave him the chance. You saw what he did. He drank and he drank and then he just apologized for it like he had never done anything wrong. And I had to just go along with it like it was nothing."

"I know, Julie."

"No, you don't know. You went to college and left me there for two years. Didn't you wonder why David and Jacob and Matt never visited?"

She never wondered why. She knew. She knew that they knew about their dad's drinking. She knew that they never visited because of it. She wished that they would have, though, so she wouldn't have always been alone.

The rest of their ride continued in silence, until they reached what she supposed was his house. "Dad's hospital is just down the street, so it's not too far." he told her. She nodded and grabbed her bag from the back seat. "So, Lisa, she's your wife?" Jules clarified. Adam nodded and smiled. "And Alexa's seven and Liam's four." Jules smiled. "Got it." Adam unlocked the door and pushed it open, allowing her to enter first. She felt awkward, just walking into a house with someone she hadn't seen in so long, but a woman appeared almost immediately. Her long brown hair that cascaded down her back reminded Jules of that of her mother's, but nothing else seemed to be the same. "You must be Jules." she said, smiling knowingly. "I'm Lisa. Adam's told me so much about you. It's nice to finally meet you." Her welcoming embrace made Jules feel right at home. "I'll show you to the guest room so you can put your stuff down and then I think dinner should be just about ready." Jules reached for her phone to turn it off Airplane mode and saw that she had three missed calls. She would listen to them when she was finally alone. Lisa helped her with her bag and led her to the guest room at the end of the hall upstairs before quickly leaving her to unpack. "I'm sure you're tired from the flight do I won't crowd you too much." she said with a smile. Jules pulled out her phone and listened to the voice mails on her phone. "Hi Mama I'm a big girl," Sadie said on the first. "I calls you on Daddy's phone."

"Sadie, what are you doing?"

"Sorry Daddy, I want to see mama."

"Jules? You called mom? Hey Jules, sorry."

Beep. Dial tone. No Sam or Sadie. She would have to give him hell later for letting Sadie get a hold of his phone. She pulled her coat off of her shoulders and threw it over a chair by the bed. The smell of lilacs reminded her of the perfume that Sam brought her from Paris when he had to attend a military seminar a few years earlier. She had forgotten to pack it in her bag, since she didn't often wear it in case it made Sadie cough. It wasn't like she wore a lot, but a little could be too much for her little girl. God, she missed her.

There was a knock on the door and she opened it to find a little girl staring up at her. Her chocolate brown eyes were very familiar to Jules. They were exactly hers. "You must be Jules. I'm Alexa." she said with a huge grin. "Mom said that dinner's ready, if you want to come eat."Jules smiled at her excited face. "Alright Alexa, tell her I'll be down in a bit." she told her. She had smelt something cooking when she first arrived, and whatever Lisa had been cooking was obviously going to taste good. Sam's cooking was terrible.

She missed that too.

X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X

Sam lay in bed, unable to sleep without the warmth of Jules next to him. He wondered how she was feeling. She had been getting headaches lately and he hoped that it didn't get too bad while she was there. He wasn't sure if she had packed any Advil with her, but knowing Jules she hadn't. When she had Sadie, she had completely refused drugs until the last minute. She could be stubborn. He missed that about her.

Sadie was just down the hall, fast asleep for almost three hours now. It was only 8:00 in Alberta. He wondered if she was thinking of him. She probably was. She was probably worried that something would go wrong with Sadie and she wanted to call but it was 11, after all, and she would probably wake her up. So she would wait until morning. He knew her very well. He knew that she loved to watch CSI: Miami despite their job and that she would never leave Sadie with someone she didn't trust. He knew that she loved the lilac perfume he got her from Paris but that she wouldn't wear it around Sadie because she worried that it would make her sick. He also knew that she was going to call at 10:00, just to make sure they had made it though the night and that the house hadn't burned down, or worse, exploded, while she was gone.

He also knew that she was going to have trouble falling asleep tonight. Because even though she's never admit it, she needed him just as much as he needed her. They were a team; they worked together as one person. And so they would both be tired when she got back home. He really did need to sleep, since he was starting night shifts soon and needed all the rest he could get. He felt bad about ditching Sadie with Shelley overnight, but it would probably be less work since she would just sleep the whole time. She slept through the night almost always.

When he finally decided that there wasn't a point in going to sleep, he picked up the phone next to the bed and dialed Jules' number. She picked up on the third ring, which was strange since she almost always picked up on the second. "Hello?" her voice was laced with exhaustion, and he couldn't blame her. She had been up for almost 17 hours straight. "Hey Jules." he replied. "Just wanted to see how you're doing." She sighed and he heard a creak in the room, assuming she was on the bed. "Tired. God, why am I so tired all the time? It's only been like 15 hours." he chuckled and for a moment, she did too. "I miss you already. You're right, three days without sex is unbearable." she agreed, referring to their earlier conversation at the airport. "Is your head feeling okay?" he asked. "I didn't know if you packed any mess but I'm sure your brother has something for it if you ask." She shook her head, but then realized that he couldn't see her. "No, it's fine. I don't really need anything for it, it'll go away like the other ones."

He frowned. She had always refused to take anything for pain unless it was absolutely necessary. "Jules, if it's bugging you then ask him for and Advil." he pleaded. "Don't just suffer in silence." She laughed at his remark. "Okay Sam," she told him. "Did Sadie fall asleep okay?" she asked, the worry evident in her voice. "Oh, yeah. She's a little angel. Daddy's girl, obviously." he replied with a grin. "Yeah, like we need another one of you running around my house." Jules joked. "I can barely even put up with one of you."

She was joking again. He missed her jokes.

X – X – X – X – X – X – X – X – X – X – X – X

_So if I continue this story for long enough, I'm planning on maybe doing something with Sadie's great memory. I don't have all my ideas planned out yet though. Remember to review lots!_


	6. Chapter 6 - Visiting Hours

_So sorry it's been a while since I've updated, end of the school year is always busy. But thank God it's over :) Anyway, now that it's summer I'm going to try to update more regularly, since my schedule has been a bit choppy lately. Hope you guys like this chapter too!_

X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X

Chapter 6: Visiting Hours

Jules wandered through the walls of the hospital, unsure of where exactly she was going. The lady at the reception desk had given her the room number - 212 - but she had no idea how to get there. This wasn't her hospital. She continued down the hall, looking at doors for the right number. 132, 133, 134 - wait, something was wrong here. She looked at the other doors, which all read one hundreds. Oh great, she wasn't even on the right floor.

She must have looked pretty lost, because a man came up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder. "Can I help you, miss?" he asked. His civilian clothes made him hard to trust, since he obviously didn't work there, but she would recognize his voice anywhere. "Steve?" she asked incredulously. "Julianna?" He quickly pulled his in for a hug. "You should have told me you were in town, we could have gotten together sometime." he told her. She nodded awkwardly and pulled out of the hug. "I'm looking for my dad's room, 212?" she asked. Steve smiled. "You know that's one floor up, right? Elevator's this way." He pressed the button and they waited for the impending ding to tell them that the elevator was here.

As she stepped inside, another kind of ding went off in her purse. She reached for her phone but, not finding it in it's usual spot, began to panic. She must have dropped it in the wrong pocket. She dug around for a moment with Steve watching her intently before it went to voicemail. "Hi Mama," Sadie's voice began. "I miss you mama, please come home really fast." she said. Jules dug faster, and eventually found her phone. "Hi Sadie." she said. "Can you give the phone to Daddy for me?"

"I don't know where is he."

"Yell for him, Sades."

"Like you?"

"Yup, just like I yell at him Dee." She had to cover the speaker on her phone as her daughter yelled directly into the receiver. Her 'Daddy!' was met with a 'Yes Princess?' and then a thumping sound indicating that she was on the stairs. "Sades, walk on the stairs please." Jules reminded her daughter. Steve looked at her strangely and waved his hand at the open elevator doors. "No, Dee- Sadie! Walk on the stairs. You do not run." She couldn't believe that she had to yell at her daughter through a phone.

A moment later Steve tapped her on the shoulder and pointed at the door they now stood in front of. "There," he pointed with a smile. Jules smiled back. "Thanks, Steve." she moved the receiver away from her mouth so that Sam and Sadie couldn't hear her. "So, I'll see you around?" she asked. He nodded and checked over his shoulder. "Yeah, I guess. I'm only here for a few days to visit my folks. One of my old high school friends wanted me to come see him for a bit. We worked here before I switched to Toronto." he explained. He smiled and gave her a wave before walking back down the hall they had come from.

X – X – X – X – X – X – X – X – X – X – X - X

The loud footsteps on the stairs told Sam that Sadie was coming to see him. No matter how many times Jules reminded her, she had a thing for running around the house like a maniac. "Daddy!" she shouted for the second time. "Phone!" He poked his head out of his and Jules' bedroom and saw her running down the hall with his cellphone in her hand. "Sadie, use your walking feet. Wait, you took my phone?" She nodded. "It's Mommy."

He smiled and took the phone from her hand. "Hey Jules. Yeah, everything's fine. I know, I - yes, well I left her alone for twenty seconds. Yup, again. I'll keep an eye on her." He raised his eyebrows at Sadie and she held her arms up. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her onto his hip. "Two more days. Did you ask for something for your head? Well, don't pass out or cry or something. Okay, I'll let you go. Bye Jules. Yeah, I know. Bye - no, I'm taking her to Wordy's tonight. Okay, Jules - yeah, I got everything. Jules, I gotta go. Bye." He pressed end and placed his phone on his dresser. "Your mother talks a lot doesn't she?" Sadie nodded quickly. "But you, princess, need to quit taking my phone. Or ask me first. I'll call mommy for you." Sadie nodded once again. He put her down and she ran back to her room.

He hoped that Jules' visit with her dad was going okay.

X – X – X – X – X – X – X – X – X – X – X - X

Jules had always hated her father for a reason. Their entire visit, he had blamed her for being in the hospital because he was worrying about her getting shot again. Like he ever gave a shit before. She had walked out after ten minutes, and she didn't plan on going back.

She knew that Adam had to work today and Alexa would be at school, but Lisa and Liam were probably still at the house. She walked outside in the warm summer air down the street towards the house. Adam had been right when he said that the hospital was right down the street. It only took her ten minutes to walk there. She opened the door and immediately a young child came to greet her. "Hi Aunt Jules!" Liam shouted. "You're back already?" Jules nodded and smiled. "Yeah, Grandpa and I had a really quick visit." She told him. There was no point telling a four year old all the details. Lisa's voice echoed throughout the house. "Liam, don't trample her too much." she warned. "Jules, would you like something to eat?" she offered. "It's almost lunchtime." Jules shook her head. "No thanks, but do you have any Advil? I've got a really bad headache." Lisa smiled sympathetically. "Check the bathroom cupboard above the sink." Jules smiled back and went off in search of it.

She lay down in her bed, her fingers slowly massaging her temples. Sam would usually do it for her but since he wasn't here she would have to manage on her own. Thank God she only had two days until she could go home. After her visit with her father, she couldn't help feeling like the entire trip had been a waste. If she hurried, she could grab a plane and get home in time So Sam didn't have to ditch Sadie with Shelley overnight. She still felt bad about that. Daytime was one thing, but overnight? That was asking a lot.

But she couldn't go home. She couldn't go home because her flight wasn't for another day and she couldn't very well just book another one. Couldn't go home because it would be rude the Lisa and Adam to just leave early. And on top of it all, there was no one at her home. Sure, they'd be home later. By no one would be there to pick her up from the airport when she got in. So she couldn't go home.

She felt a familiar sense of drowsiness creeping up on her again. It was only 12:00 and she was already tired. Maybe she had a serious case of jet lag. Or maybe just all-the-time-lag. She was always tired now. At least her headache was going away. But she couldn't help feeling like she was missing something. She was forgetting something important. Something was supposed to have happened already, but she had no idea what.

X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X

_Any ideas what's going on?_


	7. Chapter 7 - Homecoming

So I just realized that in every chapter I've written, I've always forgotten to write a disclaimer. Damn. Anyway, here we go. Characters aren't mine. I wish they were, but no. The general idea of Flashpoint is not mine. Too bad. Basically, the only thing I own is the situations that go on in this story. So sorry about that. The show belongs solely to it's creators and NOT to me. Anyways, thank god that's done. Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 7: Homecoming

The kid behind her wouldn't stop sneezing. Being a mother, Jules understood that sometimes kids got sick and they couldn't help coughing and sneezing. Sadie threw up on a bus once. But his parents could at least give him a tissue or something. She had been counting and so far he had sneezed 13 times. 13 sneezes in a half hour, and they still and another 4 to go. This flight was going to be long.

She was worried how he house would look when she got home. Though she trusted Sam implicitly, she knew that it could be hard at times, even for her, to take care of Sadie and keep the house semi-clean looking and still do the every-day stuff. And she wasn't even working, not during the day or on the night shift. She felt bad about leaving Sadie with Wordy and Shelley overnight, but she also knew that sometimes things didn't go exactly as planned and they were lucky to have friends to step up and help them out.

Besides, it felt good to know that her daughter was safe with the Wordsworth's and not home with a babysitter or with Sam when he was exhausted. It was safer for both of them. For Sadie because when Sam was watching her, he would actually pay attention and not pass out on the couch, and for her because if something happened and she wasn't there then she might hijack the plane and they would go down somewhere in the middle of Saskatchewan. Plane flying wasn't in the job description for an SRU sniper.

It scared her to think of all the things that could go wrong. The plane could crash. She could get shot. Sam could get shot. _Sadie_ could get shot. Oh God. No. Sadie could get hit by a car. Sam could get hit by another car. She could get blown up even though she wasn't even working anymore. No, it was more likely Sam would be the one to get blown up. No. Don't think like that. Everything was fine. Aside from the fact that she was sitting in front of a kid with a severe nasal malfunction and she had to pee, everything was fine. Just fine.

The kid sneezed again.

* * *

A taxi pulled up to a large house and pulled over to the curb. The woman inside grabbed her bag after paying the driver and ran up the steps to the door. She knew this house well. She unlocked the door and walked in, completely unaware of the man waiting inside.

"Sam!" Jules screamed as he wrapped his arms around her body. Her arms were trapped to her sides by his strength. "Let me go," she warned. He laughed against her ear and she shivered when his warm breath hit her skin. "Welcome home." he told her. His lips sought out her neck and sucked on the soft skin there. "I missed you very much." He loosened his grip on her and allowed her to turn to face him. "Where's Sadie?" she whispered against his lips. His eyes flashed over to the staircase. "Upstairs. I just put her down, we've got time." She grinned and her lips found his once again. He pulled her forward to the kitchen until they reached the edge of the counter. He almost tore the coat from her shoulders and tossed it in the direction of the table. "Sam," she breathed. His hands reached for her thighs, the denim rubbing against his palms. Thighs, and then upwards to cup her ass. In one swift movement, he had her on the counter to ease the height difference. He felt the muscles in her neck tighten as she threw her head back in ecstasy. His pants were feeling awfully tight.

Then she pushed him away and clamped her legs shut. Her eyes were burning into his. "What?" What? Did he do something wrong? She raised her eyebrows. "I thought you put her down already." She was staring at something over his shoulder. When he looked back, Sadie stood, half grinning and half confused by what she had just caught her parents doing. "Mama?" she asked with a smile. She came toddling forward and almost plowed into Sam's leg on her way to get to her mother. Jules slid off the counter and lifted the little girl onto her hip. "What are you doing up, Sades?" she asked, carrying her back towards the stairs. Sam watched his two favorite girls climb the stairs together, Sadie talking animatedly to Jules, and flopped down onto an armchair.

It was going to be a long afternoon.

Jules returned about twenty minutes later after finally getting Sadie to to sleep. She stood next to him with her arms crossed until he looked up at her. "I hate you." she said, partially serious. "Do you have any idea how much damage you just caused to her little two year old brain?" He reached out and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her over the arm of the chair and onto his lap. "I'm very sorry." he apologized jokingly. She balanced herself on the arms of the chair for a moment while she adjusted her position on him. She nodded at the television. "What are you watching?" She pulled the remote out of his hand and changed it to a different channel. "Nothing now, I guess." he grumbled. She turned back to him. "What?"

"Don't you have unpacking to do or something?"

She shifted in his lap again. "What's wrong, Sam?" she asked innocently. "You don't like me being here? Right here," She put the remote back down on the table. "Right in front of you, right on top of you?" She pushed her hips down against his and enjoyed the look of desperation that inhabited his face. His arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer to him while he leaned in to kiss her again. "Oh darn, sorry Sam. I just remembered," she told him. "I'm having my period. Maybe next week." She kissed him quickly on the cheek and stood up.

Then she remembered. And she froze.

Because her period was exactly what she was not having.


	8. Chapter 8 - Keeping Appointments

_So I know that most of the chapters have been pretty short (Or short compared to some other ones I've read) but 'm trying to make them a bit longer. I'm running out of ideas though so if any of you have any interesting ones then review or PM me and I'll try my best to incorporate them. I have one chapter already written but it's for later in the story so I need a few others in between there. Thanks for all the support on this story!_

* * *

Chapter 8: Keeping Appointments

The waiting room was full of women. All women everywhere. Of course, there were guys too, boyfriends and husbands and Jules was pretty sure she saw a brother in there too, but it was mostly women. Sam hadn't been able to make it to the appointment. Or, she didn't tell him, at least. She knew he would insist on coming and he shouldn't have been missing work when she wasn't even sure that she was pregnant.

"Julianna Braddock?" the doctor called from the doorway. This was it. The moment of truth. She stood up and walked towards her, trying not to make her legs look like they were shaking. She didn't know why she was so afraid this time. She had done this before. She wasn't quite a pro, but pretty close. The doctor smiled and led her down the hall to an exam room. "How are you feeling today, Jules?" she asked. Jules? How did she - it was Doctor McCarthy. Of course. She was her OB when she was pregnant with Sadie. "I'm good, thanks." she replied. The doctor pulled a stool out from under the small desk in the corner. "So, I'll get you to just take a seat on the table for me." She gestured with her pen to the metal bed on the side of the room. "Didn't bring Sam with you?" she asked. Jules shook her head. "No, he had to work today."

"Oh, that's too bad. How's Sadie doing? She's, what, three now?"

"Almost. Four more months."

She couldn't believe that it had been three years since she had last been pregnant. What if she had forgotten everything? What if she had hurt her baby when she didn't even know that it was there? Wait - what? She didn't even know if she was pregnant yet. Calm down, Jules.

"So I'm just going to guess you're here because you're pregnant?" Dr. McCarthy asked with a smile. Jules nodded. "I think so. I took a test a while ago but it was negative, and then I took another one a week ago and that was positive." she explained.

After a blood test, she knew that she was pregnant. Now she could start to worry. Dr. McCarthy rolled the ultrasound machine into the middle of the room. "I'll do a quick ultrasound to make sure that everything's alright, if that's okay." Jules nodded quickly and rolled her shirt up above her stomach. The fuzzy black and white image popped up on the screen and they both watched for the baby. "One minute, just let me look a bit more." the doctor told her. Jules continued to watch the screen, but nothing was appearing. "Why can't you see it?" she asked. The doctor frowned. "It could just be that the baby is small, so it's harder to find. I'll find it though, don't worry." A loud thumping filled the room and Jules smiled. "There's the heart. That's your baby." She pointed to a grey and white blob on the screen. "I'd say by the looks of things, you're about thirteen weeks along, so we'll need to get you started on some prenatal vitamins pretty soon. Would you like to know the gender?" Jules was still in shock from her first sentence. "Thirteen weeks? Are you serious?" she asked in disbelief. Dr. McCarthy nodded and passed her a Kleenex to wipe the gel off her stomach. "Yes, but it's not uncommon for women to discover their pregnant later than usual. In this case the negative you got at first could have contributed to that. But your baby is still pretty small, so I'd say you won't be showing fully until about 16 or 17 weeks."

"Isn't it too early for the gender?" she asked

"Well," she said. "It depends. I can check if you want but we can't always see right away. Sometimes we can tell earlier than others. I could take a look if you'd like." It made sense, she and Sam had only found out that Sadie was a girl when she was 5 months along. But she wasn't sure what she wanted yet. Maybe it would be better to just wait for Sam to be with her. They had never actually sat down and talked about having another kid. It was always more of a conversation in passing. Not exactly dinner table conversation when you had a very smart almost 3 year old in your presence. "Yeah. Okay. Let's hear it."

The doctor paused for a moment and stared at the screen. "It looks like you're having a baby boy. Congratulations. I'll write you a prescription for the vitamins and you can pick up your prints at the front desk."

And that was when it really sunk in.

* * *

"Yeah Dad, I'll think about it." Sam repeated into the phone. "But you gotta know I can't just ditch Jules and Sadie. They're my family. I'd have to talk to Jules about it first. No, I know what you're offering. I'm TL Dad, so even if I left it would take some time. There aren't many people on my team that could fill in on short notice." He raked his fingers through his hair and opened up the fridge in search of something to drink. He had been chasing Sadie all day until she finally wore herself out and fell asleep on the grass, and as soon as he sat down, his father called and offered him some prestigious position on his old team. "But after what happened with Matt, I don't know - Yeah, I know that." He pushed the fridge door closed again and put the lock back on. Jules had bought it when Sadie started walking so she couldn't open it whenever she felt like it.

"And I know that. But it's a lot you're asking. Another tour, I just don't know. That's a year and a half away. If Jules said okay, then yeah, but not right now. Okay dad, I'll think about it."

He hung up the phone and placed it on the counter before grabbing a glass and putting some water in it. He chugged the glass and pushed the fridge door shut for the second time.

"You forgot to lock it." He almost dropped the glass at the sound of her voice. "What?" he asked, surprised. Her shaky hand reached out and pointed to the fridge. "The door. You have to lock it." He reached back and smacked it so the lock pushed into place, but his eyes never left hers.

"Were you listening?" It was a stupid question, really, because by the look of her face he knew the answer right away.

"How much did you hear?"

"Enough." He rested his elbows on the counter and folded his hands. His relationship was about to go to hell. She crossed her arms protectively over her chest, exposing the piece of paper hidden in her hand. He would know it anywhere.

She was holding a sonogram.

* * *

_Oh hot damn. . ._


	9. Chapter 9 - Maybe

_So I'm really sorry this took so long, I've had a bit of writers block for the end of this one. I don't have any of the next chapters written yet so it might take a little longer but it's summer and I have nothing to do so I sure hope that it doesn't. Sadly, my wifi is kind of broken so anything I write will also take longer to upload, so sorry for the wait. I hope this longer chapter makes up for it._  
_Again, anything directly related to Flashpoint and anything indirectly related is mine. Thanks for all the reviews!_

* * *

Chapter 9: Maybe

"I wouldn't take it."

"I know that."

"Then why are you mad?"

"I'm not mad." Her lie was obvious. He could practically see her bottom lip quivering.

"Yes you are. Why?" Then she snapped.

"Because you got me knocked up! Is this how this is going to go, you come home and get me pregnant and then just leave for another tour? I thought you said that you would never end up like your father." His jaw dropped. "I am nothing like my father. And I already said I wouldn't take it, so what the fuck are we even fighting about anyway?" She slammed the ultrasound picture on the counter. "This! Sam, we are fighting because you are thinking about taking a goddamn job overseas and just ditching me and Sadie? And then there's this new baby to worry about and -"

"I'm not taking the job!" he shouted exasperatedly. She shook her head. "You say that now. But eventually, you're going to cave. You're going to take the job and ditch me, and once you take it you'll just keep going back and then your life will be a never-ending cycle of army tours and I'm never going to see you."

Though she's never admit it, that had been one of her biggest fears since she had been pregnant with Sadie. She knew that one day, he could leave her. Something would go wrong or his father would force him into rejoining the army and she would be left alone with a kid who wouldn't have a dad. She didn't want that for her daughter, or for her unborn son. In fact, she didn't want that for any kid. Growing up without a mother had taught her many things, but most of all, she had learned that life sucks when you've got one parent. Especially when the one parent you had was a borderline alcoholic. She could never wish that on any child, and she sure as hell didn't wish it on her own. Not that she would be an alcoholic. Well, not on purpose, anyway. She had seen what happened to Greg. She could never let that happen to her, but if Sam left her then she really might not be able to control her actions.

The idea itself scared her. Sam leaving her alone with one, or now, two, kids and never coming back. The quick phone call saying that a tour was extended, the pictures of the distended stomach that held the only thin left that proved their love for each other. The letter saying that he missed yet another of his kids being born. The officer on the doorstep telling her that her husband wouldn't be coming home. She mentally cringed at the pushed the thought from her mind. Sam wasn't going. She shouldn't be worrying. They shouldn't be fighting.

He picked up the sonogram from the counter and stared at it for a moment. "What is it?" he asked quietly. She raised her eyebrows. "A baby, obviously. Why would you even - Never mind." He lifted his gaze to look up at her. "No, I didn't think - I mean - Boy or girl?" he finally managed to stutter. She smiled. "Boy." Sam couldn't help smiling back. Now it all made sense. That whole fight wasn't even her fighting with him. Well, it was her, but her mind was so drugged on hormones that she wouldn't really be her for another 8 months. 8? How far was she?

"How far are you?"

"Umm," she frowned. "Thirteen weeks."

"Oh. Wow." he said. "That's a lot."

A baby boy. They were having a baby boy in 6 months. Less than that. Wow. "How are you feeling?" he asked, reaching for her hand. She leaned forward against the counter. "I don't even know. I'm just so goddamn scared of this. Sam, what if I can't do it?" she asked. "I can do Sadie, I can work with her. I adapted to one kid. But two? What if Sadie thinks I don't love her anymore because I'm busy with the baby?" That was another one of her fears. That she would love one of her kids more than the other, whether she meant to or not. That one of her kids would think that she didn't love them anymore. That her kids would hate each other for it like her brothers hated her after her mom died.

"She won't. You're her mom, Jules. She's three, she'll barely even notice the difference. Besides, I'll be home too so it's not like she'll be missing out on anything. I can do all the Sadie stuff and you can do the baby stuff. We'll figure it out. No one is born knowing how to do everything." She shook her head. "But what about when she gets older? What if she realizes when she's seven or eight or nine that we're busy with this kid and any other kids we have and we don't have enough time to spend with all of them?"

Sam was shocked. Any other kids? How many was she planning on having? Sure, he'd love two or three. But any more than that was too many if they could help it. She seemed to notice his expression. "Donf worry, Im not planning on having 19 kids or anything like that. But if I don't go back to work, then really, we gotta look on the reasonable side of this. I'm not working, so things are bound to happen no matter how little we expect them." Once again he was shocked. "You're not going back to work?" He was relieved, but at the same time disappointed. It was better that she be out of harm's way, and if she didn't go back then they wouldn't need to go through the whole daycare and horrible hours thing with Sadie and then again with this kid. But he also knew how much he loved her job, and having a family wasn't a very good reason to ruin your career.

"What's the point? I wouldn't even be able to go back for at least another year and a half since in three weeks I'm on desk duty, and then I'd only have four months there, so it's not like I'm really missing any of the action. Besides, once the baby's born somebody's going to be staying home because by then Sadie will be starting kindergarten and they won't let her off the bus unless somebody's there to get her." Wait, what? Kindergarten? When did that come up? "Yeah, I guess. I mean, if that's what you want. Sure."

"Then it's done."

* * *

"I love you all the way to the moon - and back." Jules finished, closing the storybook and placing it silently on the shelf. "Good night, Sadie." She kissed her daughter gently on the forehead, flicked off the lamp and closed the door tightly behind her. That was her favorite book, and it was especially Jules' favorite, based on the fact that it always managed to put her to sleep. Natalie had bought it for them for her first birthday and for almost every night after that, they had read her that story.

She quietly crept into the bedroom that she and Sam shared and found him half asleep on top of the covers. She padded over and lightly pressed a kiss to his temple, smiling when he reached out for her in his sleep. His arms wrapped expertly around her waist and pulled her down next to him on the bed before she could react. She was only sitting, but it was still a good move. "Sam, I need to change," she whispered softly. One eye slowly opened and peered out over blond lashes at her still fully clothed body and frowned. "Mmhmm," he mumbled. She grabbed a pair of shorts and a shirt from her drawer without even realizing that it wasn't her shirt while she changed into it.

The bathroom light must have been good because she could have sworn that there was a slight slope to her stomach. She rolled the shirt to just under her breasts and examined herself closely in the mirror. "That's impossible," she whispered. Sam mumbled something from the bed but otherwise seemed undeterred by her examination.  
"She said that it was too small -" she whispered recalling her conversation with the doctor. The sonogram picture had been expertly taped to the side of the bathroom mirror so she could look at it every chance she got, which seemed to be coming in handy at the moment. Her finger traced the outline of the blob on the picture. In all honesty, her baby - their baby - didn't look very small. It could have been bigger than Sadie at 3 months. Of course, everything was bigger than Sadie, but this was really strange. She shouldn't be showing yet - should she?

"This seems to be a pattern." a deep voice said from behind her. She didn't react, didn't turn, didn't even flinch, because she knew that it was only Sam and she knew exactly what he was talking about.

The night of the morning of her very first doctor's appointment, she stood in front of the mirror in their room just staring at herself for at least half an hour. He had only found her when he had come upstairs to go to bed a little before midnight. She had babbled excitedly about the baby and repainting andante redecorating and shopping and some shit like that for at least another hour while he just talked to the tiny baby in her stomach. The first night they ever spent as a family of three.

His hands joined hers on her stomach and she leaned back against his bare chest. "I can't even believe it," she whispered. His thumbs rubbed lightly against her soft skin and he dipped his head down to gently kiss her neck. "I can't even believe you're already thirteen weeks and we never noticed a thing." he chuckled. "I think I can see it. The bump." he told her. She smiled and nodded. "Me too."

"You really wouldn't take it?" She looked over her shoulder. "The job overseas?"

"Never. Not if I can help it."

She thought for a moment. They both knew exactly what he meant. He couldn't always control what he had to do. "What if I said yes?"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. You told your dad that if I said yes, then maybe you'd take it. And your team really needs you, Sam. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad."

"My family really needs me, Jules." he argued. "I'm not leaving you alone with Sadie when you're pregnant."

"I wouldn't be alone. I've got the team, I've got Adam and Lisa, and we're not necessarily talking about now. When the kid's one or two, maybe. But if they need you, you should go." Sam sighed. Hadn't they had this exact fight only hours earlier, but from another angle? This baby really must be making her crazy. "If I go, I go now." he told her. "They need me now. They won't need me in two or three years. And there's no way I'm going when you've only got 6 months left. There's no guarantee I'd be back when it's born."

She paused to think for a second. He wasn't going now. She wasn't going to convince him otherwise. But what about in two or three years when his father calls again? She didn't want him to hate her for keeping Sam out of the army.

"Jules, since when do you want me to go?" he asked incredulously. "Weren't you completely against it before?" She shook her head. "Forget it. It was a dumb idea anyway. I barely even know what I'm thinking anymore."

He got was she was saying. Even he barely knew what she was talking about anymore. All those hormones truly were going to her head. "Jules, I just - I don't get what you're saying.

"What if he sends you back?"

"What?"

"He can do that. You know that, I know that, so don't even act like it isn't a possibility. Even if you say no he can still legally make you fight overseas."

"He won't." he answered simply. "Mom won't let him, the team won't let him, and you sure as hell won't let him. So don't worry."

"I only worry because I love you, Sam."

"I love you too."

* * *

_So again, sorry for the wait after this one. I'm pretty happy with the way this one turned out, actually. One of the few no-cliffhanger chapters!_

_Remember to review!_


	10. Chapter 10 - Princess

Imperfect - Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Princess

So I was getting kind of bored with where I was in the story so I skipped a little bit. Sorry for any confusion about that. This is about a month after the last one so Jules is around 17 or 18 weeks now. Hope that makes it a little easier to understand. And Spike and Winnie got married at some point and they have a daughter named Arianna. She's half a year younger than Sadie. I realized that I hinted at that in one of the future chapters and had to put it in. But anyway, this is more of a Sadie-ish chapter. She's popping up everywhere (if you can't tell she's one of my favorites). Just a heads up, I won't be able to update from June 7-20 as I'm not at home and don't have access to a computer. Sorry about that delay but I'm going to try to update every day until then just to make up for it. But I WILL be continuing with the story when I get back so keep watching. Anyway, Enjoy Chapter 10!

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"So that's the baby."

Dr. McCarthy pointed to a baby-shaped blob on the screen. Well, not quite baby-shaped, but almost. She moved the ultrasound wand across her stomach and pointed out the different body parts. "See, there's the head. There's the feet," she pointed to the edge of the moving blob, "and there's one hand. It looks like he's a thumb sucker." she chuckled. Jules looked back and pulled Sadie towards her. "Look Sades, that's your little brother."

She squinted her eyes at the screen. "I don't see a baby." she grumbled. Jules smiled. "That's because it isn't a real picture of the baby. It's called a sonogram, it plays music in my tummy and then the music makes a picture. It's kind of strange." she explained

Sadie scrunched up her nose. "I want a sister." she whined. Jules smiled. "Maybe next time, Sadie. This baby's a boy. But I promise, you'll love him." The doctor passed her a Kleenex to wipe away the gel. "So how far am I?" she asked.

"I'd say that the first estimation was correct. Based on the development of your baby he looks to be about 18 weeks. You should be due sometime near the beginning of July."

"Wonderful."

"So I know I've asked you these a million times but I have to again. So sorry. Umm, morning sickness?" Jules lifted Sadie up onto the table next to her. "None."

"Not at all?"

"Nope."

"Alright. Any breast tenderness?"

"A bit."

"Good, that shouldn't be coming in for a few weeks now. Your baby's heart rate is 137 beats per minute -"

"Is that bad?"

"No, no, that's perfect. Within 10 of 140 so it's completely healthy."

Sadie was starting to get fidgety next to her and she was hoping it wouldn't take much longer. "So is that everything?" she asked politely.

"Almost. Because of your age we would usually do a test for any fetal abnormalities later in the pregnancy. Would you like to have that done?"

They hadn't really talked about it. Neither of them really wanted to consider the possibility that there was something wrong with their baby. "Umm, no thanks."

"Then yep, that's all. You know the drill: minimal stress, no overheating, pick up the pictures at the front desk. I'll see you in one month?"

"Absolutely."

"Bye Jules, bye Sadie."

"Bye."

She could see it now. Whenever she looked in the mirror, she could see the protrusion on her stomach without squinting. Sam was ecstatic. He had his hands all over it whenever he got the chance. Sadie was noticing it. She had poked her finger right in the centre earlier that morning. And Jules, she didn't know what to think. She was happy because it meant that she really did have a baby in there. But there was something sad about looking down and remembering that you can't work anymore and you can't lay on your stomach anymore and you can't even pick up your own daughter anymore.

She unbuckled Sadie from the car and took her hand as they walked together through the SRU parking lot. "We're going to see Daddy?" Sadie asked. "Can we go up the elevator? Daddy took me and he said I could press the buttons last time." Jules smiled.

"Did he? Of course we can, Sadie. Do the stairs tire you out?"

She nodded.

"Me too. It's been a while since I've had to walk them."

They waited as the elevator ascended one, two, three floors and the ding that signified their arrival. "Daddy!" Sadie shouted, releasing Jules' hand and running forward.

"Hey Sadie. How are you doing?" he asked. He tossed her up into the air before catching her again. "What did you do with Mommy?" Sadie pointed her finger at the dispatch desk. "She's talking to Pinny." she told him.

"Pinny?"

"Mommy said that Uncle Spike and Aunt Winnie are Pinny." Sam smiled. Jules often referred to them as Spinnie. "I think she meant Spinnie, with an S."

"Like in Sadie?"

"Just like Sadie."

The rest of Team Three was hanging around in the briefing room waiting for a call, so he walked over to Jules and Winnie at the desk. "Gossiping ladies?" he asked with a grin. Jules turned to look at him. "Always." He could see the slight bump under her coat and wrapped his free arm around her waist. "Ick! Gross!" Sadie shouted when he leaned in to kiss her lightly. "Stop it!" She reached out and pushed her hand against Sam's ear.

"Sadie, that's not nice." Jules told her sternly.

"But I told you to stop!"

Jules sighed and reached out to take Sadie of of his arms, but his other hand came up and pulled her back to his shoulder. "No carrying," he reminded her. Sadie wouldn't hear it. "I want to go with Mommy!" She struggled in Sam's arms and leaned out towards Jules.

He placed her on the ground. "Sadie, Mommy can't carry you."

"Why not?" she whined.

"Because it hurts her back." It wasn't a total lie. It did hurt her back. But the real reason was because she couldn't. She wasn't allowed to, and with the half basketball attached to her stomach there simply wasn't any room. She was already carrying an extra 20 pounds.

"But I'm little! I won't hurt her."

"Sadie, no." Jules told her. "I can't carry you for a while, baby. Remember, I already have to carry around your little brother."

Winnie seemed amused by the familial scene in front of her. The Braddocks were definitely one of a kind. "You think it's funny, don't you?" Sam asked. "Just wait until you get to go home. I'm sure Spike's having a blast with Arianna today." Winnie or Spike usually dropped Arianna off at the same daycare that Sadie was supposed to go to, but whenever they had different shifts they would keep her home.

"I'm very sure he is. She's keeping him in shape for the days when he misses workout with the team." Winnie joked.

"Yeah? Maybe she could give Sam a hand with that." Jules replied with a chuckle. "Looks like Sadie's not quite cutting it."

Sadie's head shot up at the mention of her name. "What?" she asked. She had planted herself in front of the television near the treadmill, which for some reason she loved to watch despite the fact that it only played the news. "Nothing, Sadie." Sam replied quickly. But nevertheless, she jumped up and ran back to them. "I cut lots of stuff. Paper, pictures, crayons, Mommy taught me how. She said that I could show you sometime Daddy. Do you have my pink scissors?"

Jules shook her head. "Not now, Sades. When we get home." she promised.

She frowned and trudged back to her spot in front of the tv. Sam turned back to the girls. "So, not to be rude or anything because you know I love seeing you, but is there a reason you're here?"

She reached into her purse. "I had another appointment today. Sadie wanted to bring you a picture."

"Sadie did?"

"Yep."

"What?" Sadie asked again. Jules smiled. "I was telling Daddy how great a helper you've been today." Sadie smiled and turned her attention back to the tv.

"Sadie, what are you watching?" Sam asked. Jules walked over to look at the screen. It was showing a hostage situation at city hall. "Oh, Sadie!" she covered her eyes. "Winnie, shut it off. Sadie, don't watch that. You don't need to watch that. Shut it off Winnie!" Sam ran over and pressed the power button and the screen went black.

"Mommy!" Sadie whined.

"Sadie, no. You don't need to see that." Jules lifted her off the floor and went to fix her on her hip, but Sam swooped in and lifted her away. "No lifting," he reminded her. "Sadie, those were bad people they were showing on the tv. Mommy doesn't want you watching that."

"But Daddy, I want to -"

"Sadie, no." he told her sternly. He looked over at Jules. "You should probably get going. It's almost lunch." He placed Sadie on the ground and looked over his shoulder to the briefing room. "I should probably get back to the guys anyway. I'll see you at home?"

"Absolutely." She watched him closely and he pulled her in tight for a hug. "Be careful." he whispered.

"Walk us to the elevator?" she asked. When she was sure no one could hear them, she pointed Sadie towards the elevator and turned back to him. "Sam, what's wrong?"

"What do you mean?" he asked. She raised her eyebrows. "Sam, why are you worrying so much? I know you worry but you're not like this. Something's up."

"Don't - I mean -" He pointed back at the dispatch desk television. "Don't go near there okay? You get hurt and I lose you both." He ran his fingers through her silky hair. "And don't - crash the car - or something. Okay?"

"Says the guy who totaled my jeep." she chuckled. He stared at her.

"Sorry. Not funny." She reached out and pressed her palms against his cheeks. "I'll be careful if you will." She kissed him gently and then walked backwards to the elevator just as the siren rang though the floor. "Team Three, hot call. Gear up." came Winnie's voice through the speakers. He turned back to the desk. "I gotta -"

"Go. I'll see you at home." When she turned back to Sadie, she was waiting inside the elevator pressing a button over and over. "I pressed the open one Mommy." she said proudly. Jules smiled and ran her fingers through Sadie's long blonde hair. As long as Sam came home safe, she was the happiest girl in the world.

* * *

So voila, chapter 10. Stay on the lookout for new chapters!

. . . And review :)


	11. Chapter 11 - Bruises

_So I know that I said I'd be updating every day but base on how busy I am maybe not. Sorry for the long wait :( But here you go!_

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Chapter 11: Bruises

It was close to 2 AM when the front door opened. Jules started awake immediately, since she had grown accustomed to waking up at the slightest sound after Sadie was born. She turned on the light next to her and waited. There wasn't really a point in going back to sleep when the baby wouldn't stop kicking and Sam was going to walk in a few minutes later.

Just as she had guessed, Sam opened the door after a few seconds. "You're still up?" he asked.

"No, I woke up when you came in."

He dropped his bag next to the bed with a groan."Sorry."

"Not your fault. How was your call?" she asked. He walked into the bathroom. "Just great."

She heard a shaking sound and pushed herself slowly out of the bed. "Are you okay?" She stared at the bottle of Advil in his hand. "Your shoulder's hurting again?" It was more of a statement than a question. He had fallen the wrong way during a round of hand to hand combat with one of the guys on his team and had to take a few days off earlier in the month.

"No, my back. Don't worry about it." He placed the bottle carefully back on the shelf and closed the cupboard door.

She pressed her fingers on either side of his spine in an attempt to massage the tightened muscles there. "How bad is -"

"Don't touch it." He curved his back to keep her fingers away but groaned instead.

"Sorry." she said quickly, holding her hands up and stepping back. "I didn't mean to -"

"Just don't touch it."

"Okay." She pressed her palms against his cheeks and kissed him gently. "What happened?"

"It's nothing, don't worry." he told her, walking back to the bed.

"Sam," she half-laughed. "I'm going to worry no matter what you say." She sat back down under the blankets and ran her fingers over the stretched skin on her stomach. A thin white line was beginning to form across the center of the bump. "Are you hungry? I could make you something."

He pulled his shirt over his head and started to switch into a different one when she stopped him. "Sam!" she gasped. "What the hell happened to you?"

"I got shot." he replied simply. "It's not even -"

"Have you seen it?" She ran her fingertips lightly over the dark purple bruise across his back. "It looks terrible. Did you get it checked out?"

"Of course I did. Steve checked it out on the scene." She couldn't miss the disgust in his voice when he said the paramedic's name. "Why are you freaking out? It was only through the vest."

"Yeah, I guessed."

"It doesn't even look -"

"You haven't seen it, have you?" she accused. "Look in the mirror. And don't say I'm freaking out, if that ever happened to me you'd have the hospital keep me overnight for observation."

He slowly sat down on the bed and pressed his cheek against her stomach. "You're pregnant, Jules. I'd have them keep you for the whole week." Her fingers combed gently through his hair and he closed his eyes. "How are you feeling?"

It was a regular question. Every day, four or sometimes five times. Whenever he got a chance. "We're good. All your getting shot shenanigans are tiring me out though."

"Sorry." He lifted himself up on one elbow despite the pain and brushed his thumb across her cheek. She leaned forward and kissed him harder than the last time. "Jules, I -" He dropped his hand to her abdomen. "I don't want to hurt you." She shook her head. "You won't. I'll tell you, you won't hurt me." she promised.

He sighed and leaned back against the pillows on the other side of the bed. "Baby, I just don't think it's a good idea."

"You did last time." she pointed out.

"That was last time."

"I thought you loved me." she accused half-jokingly. "I mean, do you have any idea whatsoever how it feels to be making another human being inside of you?"

"Jules, what are you -"

"And to have no control over your emotions and to barely even understand what you're thinking? And then when you finally do understand what the little - little child - inside of you wants,"

"I'm pretty sure our child isn't thinking of that Jules."

"But what if he is. He's a guy Sam, you know how they get. What I don't understand is how you're going to go another four and a half months without sex. Because if you don't pile it all in now then I'm going to get to eight months and then there's no turning back. How are you going to live?"

He practically tackled her in an effort to kiss her. "Shut up."

"Sure."

* * *

She knocked lightly on the door and pushed it open. Light was just beginning to creep in through the half-open blinds and she padded over to the bed. "Mommy?" she whispered. Jules's eyes shot open and she squeezed the hand that had grabbed hers. "Sadie? What's wrong baby?" she whispered.

"I can't sleep."

"Why not? Did you have a bad dream?" She sat up and lifted Sadie onto her lap.

"Do you still love me Mommy?" Sadie asked. Jules Raised her eyebrows. "Of course I still love you, Sadie. Why wouldn't I love you?"

"Because you're having a baby. You'll want the baby more than me because he's little and I'm big." A tear escaped her light blue eyes and she wiped it away with her fist.

"Well what's wrong with being big? I'll always love you, Sadie. Don't you ever doubt that. Just because I'm having a baby doesn't mean I won't love you. Is that why you can't sleep?" She was glad that Sam suggested she change into something when he left for work or she'd have to have an awkward conversation with Sadie later.

"Yeah Mommy. Can I have some eggs?" she asked. She had inherited Sam's love of eggs for breakfast as well as his looks. "Of course." Jules replied with a smile. "Do you want to help me make some?" Sadie nodded happily.

"Let's go."

* * *

_If anyone has any ideas, please review or PM me :) I need some filler chapters._


	12. Chapter 12 - Dropped

_So because it's been so long since I've updated and I want to get more chapters out to you guys sooner, I'm going to skip a bit and just post this one instead of writing one for in between. I've had this written for a while so it's just easier to post it now. Hope you like it!_

* * *

Sadie woke up on the wrong side of the bed. She had been crabby all morning just because Jules said that she couldn't lift her up anymore because of her stomach. She had refused to get dressed so they could go grocery shopping and eventually Jules resorted to having her pull a raincoat over her pyjamas and go. She wasn't having a great day either. Her stomach had been hurting all day, which wasn't too comfortable considering she had a crazy three year old to chase around. Everyone talked about the Terrible Twos, but it was more Terrible Threes for Sadie. It was even worse because Sam was on day shift for the next week and a half, so he was only around when she was asleep.

Tonight was an exception. She had gone to bed as soon as Jules had told her and hadn't whined about wanting to see Sam or wanting more water or not being tired. She just fell asleep. Not that Jules was complaining. It gave her more time to read whatever parenting books she still needed to finish. Tonight it was 'Double Parenting'. More shitty advice on taking care of two kids.

So she sat in bed with the book resting against her stomach, but no matter where she put it she was uncomfortable. She used to be able to put it right on top and it was perfect. Now, well, not so much. Sam swore that the baby had dropped and that was the problem. Or maybe the solution, since she could finally fit her book on her stomach when the baby was out.

Sam was continually texting her, asking how she felt and did she want anything and was she in labour. She just told him that she was fine and Sadie was asleep and to focus on working. Besides, the baby wasn't due for another week and a half. After his night shifts he was done for a few weeks, so there was no point in him taking time off now.

She listened to the rain pattering against the windows. Hopefully there wasn't any calls for the teams on duty tonight. It wouldn't be very pleasant to have to negotiate with someone in a torrential downpour. She had to do it a few times and it was terrible.

Her phone rang and she picked it up. "Hello?" she asked. She and Sam had been texting, so why would he call? "Hey Jules, it's me." he said. "We just got a call so if you need anything call Winnie and she'll try and patch you through, okay?" he said quickly.

"Alright. Be careful."

"I will. Love you." And then he was gone.

She stood up and looked at the clock. It wasn't even midnight yet. She walked - or more like waddled - down the hall and into the kitchen. "What to eat," she whispered to herself. "Ice cream." she smiled. "Thank you Sam." She grabbed a spoon and sat down on the couch. The sound of the television was almost drowned out by the sound of the rain and she prayed that Sam's call was somewhere inside. Criminals didn't stop for rain.

Of course, it was showing the call on the late night news. A man with a gun had tried to rob a bank and took a hostage. Classic call. She frowned and ate another spoonful of ice cream from the carton. "We should get a dog." she pondered. Sam had been trying to convince her and maybe after the baby was born it wouldn't be such a bad idea. She had never had a dog but it sounded like fun.

"What am I doing?" she laughed. "Talking to myself? This is crazy." She paused and held her breath as the baby kicked inside of her. It was his new favorite activity. "What're we going to call you, little kicker? What about David? Like David Beckham? Yes, I think that's a wonderful idea. We'll have to tell Daddy when he gets home."

She knew that it wasn't a normal kick. That was a special kick. It was a Sadie kick. Sam thought that she was unconscious, but she felt the kick. It meant something.

But it was too soon, she thought. She had another week and a half. It didn't mean anything. She stood up and pushed the carton into the freezer. The baby was not coming now. She wouldn't let it.

And then she felt a contraction. She doubled over in pain and reached for the phone on the counter.

"Hi, Winnie? Can you put me through to Sam?"

* * *

Trevor was trying to negotiate with the subject. He had been for an hour now. Sam could hear the rain pounding outside and he was glad that the guy had picked a bank to rob. At least they weren't in the park.

"But is this really the way to solve your problem? All this will do is get you in some pretty big trouble with the law. Your kids need you to be there for them. They need you to love them. Put them before everything else." If he hadn't had all this training, he might have laughed. Here he was, holding a gun on a guy who just wanted some money for his kids. He was telling the guy to put his family first when he should have stayed home with his own because something was going to happen. He could feel it.

"Sam, Jules is on the phone. Should I patch her through?" Winnie's voice asked in his ear.

He kept his breathing steady and the sights stayed on the man. "Not now Winnie. What does she want?"

"I'll check."

Trevor kept talking. "I'm asking you, I'm begging you, Alex. Please, put the gun down. Be there for your kids. They're going to need you to protect them and take care of them and just plain love them. You can't do that if you pull that trigger." And he surrendered. Just like that, it was over. Simple. A routine call.

"Sam?" Winnie asked again.

"Yeah?"

"She says she's in labour."

"Patch her through."

He heard the click. "Jules?" he asked.

"Sam? Oh thank god." she almost laughed. "They're only four minutes apart. You gotta get here."

He told Trevor what was going on and hopped in the truck. "I'm leaving now. Do you have the hospital bag with you?"

She groaned and he cringed. He hated hearing her in pain. "Jules?"

"Hospital bag, I know. It's upstairs in the closet. And Sadie's still asleep."

"Can you get it and wake her up?" he asked. As much as he wanted to turn on the siren, he couldn't. It was killing him.

"I don't think I can move. Sam, it hurts really bad. I think something's wrong."

"What do you mean?" he asked, driving faster.

"I don't know. It just hurts and it's not the labour. Something could be wrong with the baby, I don't know. I just don't think I can move."

He turned on the siren.


	13. Chapter 13 - Perfect

Sometimes when he closed his eyes, he saw the headlights. Just before they plowed into the side of the car opposite him. Just before the two cars became one mangled mess of metal and just before he heard the screech of the tires against the snow-coated cement. Just before he thought she was dead.

She always told him that it wasn't his fault. That it could have happened to anyone. But it didn't. It could have happened to anyone, but it happened to them. To him. To Jules, who didn't even see her daughter for at least a week after she was born because of the 'extensive surgery' and the stress that it could cause to her body. To Sadie who had to be on a ventilator for the first five weeks of her life because he was so distracted by her goddamn flips that he didn't look both ways. It's the number one rule you teach your kids, right after 'stay away from strangers because your parents are cops and I'll kick the ass of anyone who comes within twenty feet of you'. She was born early because he never listened to his own parents.

It was December. The twenty-third, to be exact. They were driving along some highway on the way to Ottawa to visit his parents for the holidays because they had insisted he bring Jules along since it was probably the last vacation they would get before their then-unnamed baby was born. She had turned the radio on to some station playing Christmassy music but then she seemed to change it every seven minutes on the dot. They had only been driving for two hours but it had been snowing for longer and the roads were beginning to freeze over for the day. For the season. 'Check the breaks,' she reminded him.

"Jules," he replied exhaustingly, "We've been driving for who know how long and every five minutes when I check them, they work." She just shook her head. "When you crash the car because you can't stop because the breaks don't work, I just want to be able to say that I tried to stop you." she told him rationally. He just shook his head right back.

And then her expression changed to something unreadable, something he had never seen before and she was grabbing his hand with squinted eyes and pursed lips and all he could think was that they were nowhere near a hospital, and if she planned on having the baby now then it would probably be delivered by him in the backseat of the car. It wasn't like he minded, since he had delivered a baby once or twice as a cop, but it had been a while and there was no way he was going to screw up his kid the moment it was born. But no, she wasn't in labour. Of course she wasn't. She gave him a damn good heart attack about twice a week, but no, everything was fine. "He's doing that stretch thing again." she assured him. "Everything's fine, it just hurts really bad." She pulled his hand over and rested it on top of the slope of her stomach. She was only eight months along but nevertheless she was still big for eight months. The doctor, Dr. McCarthy if he remembered right, said that it was because of her small stature that the bump would show more on her than on most women. Not that he was complaining. Pregnancy suited her.

Almost immediately the thumping dulled until he could barely feel it against her skin and she smiled vaguely. "I think he likes you. He always seems to calm down when you're around." He grinned at her words. "You think it's a boy, don't you? You keep saying 'he'."

"Yeah. Don't you?"

"I guess. The SRU has had a pretty long dry sleep of boys. Dean was the last one, and he's almost 20 now. Even Winnie and Spike's kid is gonna be a girl. I guess it just makes sense that we have the boy." Ed had a girl. Spike and Winnie had a girl. Wordy had three. There had to be a boy somewhere in their future.

"But there have been a lot of girls. Maybe we just have a girl." He lifted his hand from her abdomen and ran it through his hair and she rubbed her own over the now-vacant spot. "I wouldn't mind a girl." she admitted.

"I wouldn't either."

He vaguely registered the horn in the distance and looked over at her. A red truck that was obviously bigger than her jeep was headed straight for them.

"Sam!" she shouted. He stepped on the gas and the small car shot forward before slowing down again. Adrenaline pumping through his body, he reached out for her just as they collided.

The doctor hadn't said much. Something about them needing to take her into surgery and that the chances of the baby surviving weren't very good. Said to call his family, call his friends, call someone so he wasn't alone. He shouldn't be alone. So he did. He called his mom. Told her what happened and that he was sorry but they wouldn't be able to make it for Christmas. She said she would be there. Called Greg, told him what happened. He couldn't drive in the snow with his leg, so he called Ed. Ed called the team. Everyone showed up a few hours. Jules was still in surgery. Still no news on her. Still no news on the baby. He didn't even know the gender. Still no one telling him they were dead. No news.

His mind kept replaying those last few moments after the crash. He couldn't even see the truck. His hand was jammed between the mangled door and her side. Maybe nothing had happened to her. Maybe she was fine. But she wasn't conscious. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing, but she wasn't talking. She could be dead. His baby could be dead. He might never see either of them again.

And then the sirens. They slowly got louder and louder and the guy in the truck must have called the cops because he had heard him talking to someone. "I think she's pregnant. And the guy's awake but I don't think he can move either." The glare from the cop shining his flashlight in his eyes. "Sir, can you hear me? You're going to be alright." A sound escaped his lips that was somewhere between a grunt and a sigh and that must have been enough for the guy because he kept talking to him. "Can you talk to me, sir? Can you tell me you name?"

"Sam Braddock. I'm okay. Jules is unconscious but I can hear her breathing."

"Jules, is that the woman with you?"

"Julianna Callaghan, she's eight months. We were going to Ottawa."

The cop is writing all this down in his notebook and doing nothing to call an ambulance or a fire truck or anything. "You're supposed to ask who I need. Who you can call." he points out.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm a cop too, we both are. You're supposed to ask if there's someone you can call for us or if I can move and other shit like that. You didn't do that."

"Sorry, Mr. Braddock. Is there anyone I can call?"

"Not really. I'm just saying."

Another siren. An ambulance, he's guessing. "How bad is the car?" he asked the cop. "I know you're not supposed to say bad, but just tell me."

"It's pretty torn up."

"Wonderful."

"Do you think you can get out of the car on your own?" the cop asked him as he watches the ambulance pull up. Of course it was Steve. It's always fucking Steve. "I doubt it. My hand's jammed between her and the door. I probably blocked anything from her but it's probably broken. You'd have to move her first. It looks like she's pretty stuck, too."

"Sam? What happened?" There goes fucking Steve.

"Not much, Steve. Just out for groceries." What the fuck do you think happened? Use your damn eyes.

"My God, are you okay? Is Jules with you?" Are you blind?

"I'm fine. And yeah, she's right here." His hand started to throb but he could feel someone's heel pushing against his palm so at least he knew that one of them was okay. If Jules died though, she'd take them both out. No. Jules wouldn't die. She wouldn't leave him.

"You're going to need the jaws. Unless you can pry the door open on her side we're probably both stuck for a while." Steve's paramedic friend climbed out of the ambulance behind him and ran to the other side of the car. "Miss, can you hear me?" he asks. No answer.

Sam sighed. This was going nowhere. "I can feel the kid kicking on my hand. It's fine. But it hurts like hell so if you can do anything about that. . ."

"I'll see what I can do. We really need her to be awake to give her anything. How far is she?" He shone his own flashlight into the car towards his jammed hand. "Your arm doesn't look to bad. It hurt?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, that I can fix." He yelled at Steve to get him something just as another two cop cars pulled up. "We're going to try to open the door. It's going to be trick because you're both stuck there but if we can get it open then we should be okay." Steve returned with a red first aid box. "I know it's going to hurt but I need you to keep your hand against her side when we open the door. We can't quite see down the side of the door but of there's any superficial bleeding then we'll need to control that. Moving your hand could cause more bleeding if there's any wounds underneath."

There was a loud screeching sound as the door moved an inch. He bit back a groan as the pressure was relieved from his hand. "Alright, we've got it moving. Sam, try to keep your hand as still as you can." Steve seemed intent on making him look pretty stupid. It was his job to repeat stuff but he was a cop and he already knew everything they were telling him. They pulled the door again and it moved all the way back. Steve's eyes widened. "Sam, do not move your hand." he told him. "There's a big gash along her side right next to it. Don't move."

He couldn't see, but by the amount of gauze that Steve was piling on, it must have been bad.

"Daniel, I'm going to need more gauze. And tell the hospital to stock up on - uh -"

"O positive." It was weird how he knew her blood type. Never thought it would come in handy.

"O positive. They're gonna need it."

* * *

He couldn't even think straight. Maybe it was the smell of the antiseptic going to his head. Maybe it was the fact that Jules coded twice in the ambulance. Maybe it was because their baby might never see his face. Either way, he couldn't think.

After another hour of screaming kids in emerge, kids who only reminded him of his own kid in surgery, another doctor came into the waiting room. She led him into another room and everyone he left in the waiting room told him Jules would be fine. He sure hoped so. "My name is Doctor Powell, I'm a neonatologist here at the Kingston General Hospital. Your wife is still in surgery." she began. "I wasn't involved in her surgery so I can't tell you everything about how it's going, but the nurse I spoke with said that she's doing well and they were able to repair the damage to her side. Your daughter however, she's a different story."

Daughter. She's a girl. He smiled. Though he never would have admitted it, he wanted a girl. A mini Jules was perfect. She was perfect. "She was born by cesarean section a little over two hours ago. We would have come to find you but we had to get her out of the operating room and rush her to the NICU. Because she was born three weeks early, her right lung was quite underdeveloped and we have her on a respiratory machine to help her breathe and to ease the strain on her lung. Her heart is healthy and working though. That's very good. She's a little small, but she's alive. Congratulations. I can take you to see her if you'd like." she offered. He nodded and stood up. "What about Jules?" he asked.

"As soon as she's out of surgery she'll be taken to recovery, and then about a few hours later she'll be moved to the maternity floor if everything goes well. You should be able to visit her in recovery, but she won't be awake for a while. The anesthetic they gave her was pretty strong."

And then he saw his daughter for the first time. Her feet didn't look nearly big enough to cause the kind of pain he'd been in, but he hadn't actually imagined what his kid would look like if it was born three weeks early. She was a picture of absolute perfection. She was tiny and she was covered in tubes and wires, but she was perfect. She was his. A nurse showed him how to put his hands through the sides of the incubator and he got to touch her. "Can I hold her?" he asked the nurse. she shook her head. "I'm sorry, she's still really small. We don't want anything to happen to her while she's out of the incubator. Depending on how well she grows you should be able to hold her in a few days."

Even though he couldn't hold her, even though Jules' fate was still undetermined, his life couldn't be more perfect.

Sadie. That was her name. Jules had barely even said it and he had to listen pretty closely but she had mumbled it in her drug-induced sleep and he knew that it was the one. She had told him that she had been thinking of names but would never tell him which ones. It fit her, too. The firstborn was always a princess. That's what Sadie meant.

The doctor said that only immediate family was allowed in recovery so he was the only one who could see her. Her and Sadie. They didn't have a middle name, but if it was anything like her first then it would be perfect. He hadn't been able to find a name that meant perfect, but if he could then that would be her middle name. Because she was perfect.

He promised the team that he would tell them as soon as he was done talking to Jules, but he wasn't quite done yet. She wasn't even awake. But when she did wake up, he wanted to be there for it. He could tell her how perfect Sadie was and how happy he was she was okay and then he could tell them.

His hand was fine. A little bruised up but not broken. She was fine. A little cut up, but the doctor said she'd be fine. She and Sadie would have to stay at the hospital for a few weeks but they'd be okay.

Their family was whole again.


	14. Chapter 14 - Baby Number Two

He hadn't done this before. With Sadie, it was more like a "your wife might die and so might your kid" moment. He hadn't been there for the labour. Now that he was, he was happy he had missed it. It was horrible.

It must have been even worse for Jules. It was her first time with the whole labour thing too. And she was the one having the baby. When they came in, she was already five centimeters dilated. That was halfway. Halfway done, right? Not quite.

He had managed to call Natalie on the way over and she picked Sadie up from the hospital while Jules was getting the baby monitoring stuff done. For once, he was happy Natalie went to bed so late. It was almost 1 o'clock now.

"I need to push." Jules said suddenly. Her breathing quickened.

"Right now?"

"Right now." She let go of his hand and he ran to the reception desk. "My wife said she needs to push." he told the lady there. She looked less than happy to see him. "Name?"

"Julianna Braddock, but she needs to push right now. I need the doctor now." She peered over her glasses at him and typed something into the computer. "Paging Dr. McCarthy, paging Dr. McCarthy, room 816." she spoke into the microphone. "She'll be there soon."

"I need her now."

She looked like she was going to shout at him, but then took a deep breath. "Alexi?" A young girl turned around "Could you go with this man and check his wife? She says she needs to push."

"Of course. Lead the way." Once they were away from the desk, she spoke again. "Sorry about her. She doesn't exactly love her job as much as some of us do."

Sam opened the door to Jules' room and she stepped inside. "Hello Mrs. Braddock, my name's Alexi, I'm a third year resident here at the hospital. It's a stupid question but can you tell me how it feels?" she asked with a smile.

"I need to push really bad." she groaned.

Alexi smiled. "I'm going to check you, okay? How long ago was a nurse or a doctor in here?"

He sighed. "Like two hours."

"Well you shouldn't be - okay, you need to push."

"No shit." she grumbled. The doctor or nurse or whatever she was stepped into the hall for a moment. "I need an OB right now!" she shouted. Another doctor came down the hall almost immediately. "She's crowning, are you her doctor?"

"I'm _a_ doctor."

"That'll work."

They both stepped back in and the doctor grabbed a clipboard from the desk in the corner of the room. "You're a week and a half early, that's not too bad."

"I need to push." she said for what felt like the millionth time that night.

"I know, we're going to do that now. How far apart are your contractions?"

"About thirty seconds."

"Alright, on the next one, I need you to -" Jules groaned as she felt another one.

"Push. Good job Julianna, you can do it. Give me a big push." Alexi ran into the hall again. "Hanna, grab a leg."

"There we go, you got the head. That's the hard part. Now you just need to get the - Push. Okay, you can do it. Come on Julianna, push."

He was pretty sure his hand was broken.

* * *

"It's a boy." he said happily. He had called Ed and Natalie while Jules was resting once the baby had been born and they had called pretty much everyone. "He's a little small but he's perfect."

"Can we see him?" Spike asked immediately. Ed had called him and he had promised Winnie he would call her when he knew something.

"Yeah in a while, he was born a bit early so they want to make sure that his lungs and everything are working okay." He sat down next to Ed and put his head in his hands.

"Baby number two. Trust me, it doesn't get any better from here." Ed joked.

Spike laughed. "Yeah, Winnie told me what Jules said a while ago. At least now you've got another kid to keep you in shape." Sam laughed too. "I should probably get back in there. Jules was asleep before but I have a feeling they'll be bringing the kid back soon." He stood up. "You guys should go home, you've been here a while. I'm gonna have Nat bring Sadie by around 8 so you should get some rest and then you can see the kid then. I know Jules won't mind if you go home for a bit." He left them to decide on their own and returned back to the room.

Just as he had guessed, a nurse brought their baby by after a few minutes. "Baby Braddock?" she asked.

"Umm, yeah I -"

She held the baby out for him to take. "Here." her delicate one armed hold was making him uncomfortable, so he reached out and settled the baby in the crook of his arm. He looked over at Jules. "She's not awake though."

"He doesn't need her, he just needs someone to hold him. He's been crying for ages over in the nursery." Sam held the baby closer. "Anyway, tell the receptionist when you need the registration form. There's nurses all over if you need anything." She turned and walked back down the hall and he focused his attention on the little boy in his arms. For a kid who had presumably been crying, he sure didn't look it. He was happier than Sadie when she dumped out all her candy from her first Halloween.

He realized that he had only ever thought of him as 'the kid' or 'the baby'. "What are we going to call you?" he whispered, resting the baby on his forearms so he could look right at him. "David? Mommy told me you've been kicking her just like David Beckham. David Braddock. No, that doesn't sound right."

He thought. Was there anyone who had helped them that they could name their kid after? It wasn't like they could call him Steve. But wait, what was Steve's paramedic friend's name? They could call him that. He had pretty much saved Jules and Sadie, after all.

"What about Daniel? Baby Daniel? Daniel Braddock, I like it. We'll have to tell Mommy when she wakes up."

"I like it too." He almost jumped when she spoke. "I thought you were asleep." he admitted.

"Well I was, but someone's baby voice woke me up." she stared pointedly at him. "Can I hold him?" she asked. He stood up right away and passed the baby to her. "Daniel Braddock. He looks like a Daniel. It's better than David, anyway." She kissed his forehead and pressed their noses together. "My little baby Daniel. I love it. Did Dr. McCarthy ever show up?"

"Yeah," he laughed, "A couple minutes after you fell asleep. I told her she was late and she said Daniel was early."

"Well he was."

"Yeah. I told Nat to bring Sadie by later so we don't mess up her sleeping schedule. They should be over around 8." he told her.

She smiled and cradled Daniel against her chest. Her world couldn't be more perfect.


End file.
